Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
