im having a threesome with these popsicles
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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