My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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