you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
