Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
