I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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