In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize