my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
