i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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