I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
