Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
