shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
