being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
