I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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