i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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