I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
