its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize