When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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