You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
