Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
