I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
