I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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