i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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