dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Still dying that you shit outside
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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