Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I could make wine with my vomit
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
