my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
