I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
