Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
