When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
