my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
