apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
