She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
