I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
