in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
