Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
