I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
