you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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