My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
