She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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