Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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