somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
