She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
