The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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