I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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