Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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