there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
