Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
