Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
