why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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