shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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