I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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