haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
