This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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