I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
