So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
