I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
