wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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