I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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