yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
