I wanna bring you to show and tell
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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