why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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