omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
