I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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