i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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