Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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