so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
