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i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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