Define "chronic" masturbator.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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