I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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