Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
