just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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