Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
