What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
