I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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