i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
