I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
